Real love—are you searching for it? Someone to set your heart free? Or are you just out here settling, chasing something that doesn’t really fulfill you, hoping it'll eventually turn into the love you deserve? Let’s be real, when it comes to choosing a partner, your energy or vibrations play a huge role in who you end up with. And let's face it, most of us didn’t grow up learning that.
We were told to just find someone because, apparently, being with *anyone* is better than being alone. But here's the truth: how you feel inside directly impacts the kind of people you attract. If you grew up with toxic or absent parents, or dealt with abandonment, mental, or physical abuse, those experiences shape how you move through life—and your relationships. I know a lot of my Pretty&Ghetto girls can relate to this, and that’s why we sometimes end up with somebody’s lying, emotionally unavailable son. Sound familiar?
As we get older, the way we were raised starts to shape how we see the world, especially when it comes to relationships. This often leads us into one of three categories: the woman who just wants love, so she'll settle for almost anyone, the woman who insists she doesn’t need a man because she's got it all covered, or the woman who dates for money because she’s not about to struggle financially ever again. The problem is, each of these mindsets can bring its own set of complications.
The problem with being the "I just want someone to love me" type is that it’s risky. You might not even know what you actually need in a partner or what a healthy relationship looks like. Next thing you know, you're ignoring all the red flags—bad habits, toxic behavior—just to say you have a man. You end up settling for way less than you deserve. He’s taking you for granted, disrespecting you, lying, cheating, maybe even worse, and yet you’re still holding on for dear life because the idea of being alone sounds scarier than all of that.
And then there’s Miss “I don’t need a man.” Now, I get it—you’ve probably been through the wringer in relationships. Maybe you were the “I just want someone to love me” girl one too many times, and now you’re completely over it. You’re thinking life might just be easier solo, or maybe you’re a feminist all about that "women are equal to men, and nobody’s telling me what to do" energy. And honestly, I’m with you, sis! But there’s a way to handle it without shutting yourself off from one of the greatest gifts God gave us—love. You can have a healthy relationship where you’re valued, heard, and respected. So don’t block your blessings, girl!
Last but definitely not least, we have the “He needs to be making six figures, be a boss, can you pay my bills, can you pay my telephone bills, can you pay my automobile, and maybe we can chill” mindset. Now, Sis, I’m with you on some of this—I don’t want no scrub either, but not because of his bank account. A man with goals, ambition, and success? That’s a whole vibe—sexy, inspiring… OK, Keisha, focus! But seriously, some of y'all are only after the man with money out of fear of being poor or just wanting to feel superior to others. To me, that’s kind of lazy. Like, girl, can’t you tap into your own potential and make your own money? Bring something valuable to the table instead of waiting for handouts.
These are often the women online who get mad when a date takes them to a three-star restaurant instead of a five-star one, but they don’t have much to offer in return. This mindset is usually rooted in fear—fear of not being able to provide for yourself But here’s the thing: nobody likes a gold digger, and chasing after money like that will only get you used and tossed aside every time.
Now, let me be clear—the purpose of this post isn’t to call anyone out or drag anyone. I’m not here to tell a group of women they’re doing this love thing all wrong. This is for *you* to take a look at yourself, your current relationship, or the kind of relationship you want, and ask yourself: Do I have real love? Am I on the path to finding it? Or am I just stuck in yet another relationship that isn’t serving me?
Honestly, I’m tired. Tired of seeing my sistas out here fighting for these bums when there are plenty of kings out there. So basically, what I’m saying is, leave lil' Peanut from down the street alone and maybe stroll over to the other side of town where Elijah's waiting. Big Pookie can’t do anything for you, but King over there? He might just be what you need. But first, you've got to switch up your energy—change your vibration.
Look in that mirror and get real about your own patterns, habits, and behaviors that keep you choosing relationships that don’t empower you. You have to be committed to doing the work. It’s not easy, but trust me, Sis, once you focus on becoming the best version of *you*, the right man—your King—will come along. The real love you deserve starts with you.
Now, don’t think that after doing all the work on yourself, your dream man is just going to be waiting at the finish line with a bouquet, ready to ride off into the sunset. Life doesn’t work like that. You might find him soon, or it might take a while. Trust me, I’m still single too, but I’m not stressing about it. I’m not mad at God because I don’t have a man. I’m not out here side-eyeing every couple holding hands or looking up at the sky every 10 minutes like, “Yo, where’s my man at?” I mean, maybe every 15 to 20 minutes, Lol, I’m kidding…
But seriously, what I’m saying is do the work on yourself, set your intentions, and then *surrender*. Let God do His thing, because—say it with me—“His way is the better way.” Don’t worry so much about where you are right now or who’s in your life. Would you believe me if I told you I’ve been each of those three women at some point in my life?
When I was younger, I had no idea what I needed in a partner. I wasn’t paying attention to the patterns, the habits, or the toxic behaviors—I just wanted to be able to say I had someone, even if the relationship wasn’t good for me. As I got older and got hurt enough times, I built up walls, convinced myself there were no good men left, and told myself I didn’t need one.
Now, I was never out here gold-digging, but I did want a man who was successful and financially secure. And honestly, I used to feel a little guilty about it, because society has a way of making us think that wanting someone with money is shallow and we should give the “broke but nice” guy a chance. But I’ve learned something important: I don’t want him either, and it’s *okay* to want a successful man
However, here’s the catch—you’ve got to make sure you’re striving for success, too. Whatever you’re demanding in a partner, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you bring those same qualities to the table. It’s all about balance. Both of you need to contribute something valuable to create a healthy, thriving relationship.
Alright ladies, I know I’ve taken up a bit of your time with this post, but honestly, I hope it was worth it. I really hope after reading this, you’ll take a moment to re-evaluate your love life. If it’s not loving, empowering, nurturing, beautiful, honest, trustworthy, healthy, respectful, fun, supportive, and appreciated—I could go on, but you get the point—if it’s not *all that*, then stop and ask yourself, "Is it worth it to keep going like this? Do I want more? What do I need to do to receive the love God has for me?"
Once you start doing the work, you’ll notice how your whole perspective on relationships changes. Trust me, I would *NEVA* spin the block again! Healing takes time, but when the right person comes along, you’ll be ready. You got this, sis!
And hey, don’t forget to drop a comment and let me know what you think about this post! I’d love to hear your thoughts. Also, don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to or need help with something you're struggling with. Pretty&Ghetto is all about helping women in our community grow and thrive, so we’re here for you. And don’t forget to check out our digital store for content that’s all about helping you grow, both personally and professionally!
